Why you should not give two fucks about people who don’t matter

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I would divide this world population in three categories –

  1. People who are totally unaware of your existence
  2. People who don’t like you, and
  3. People who do like you.

People in category 1 don’t even know you exist and don’t really care about what you do and what happens to you.

Category 2 consists of people who don’t really like you. And there is really nothing you can do to make them like you. They just won’t. The more you try to charm them, the more you will piss them off. And guess what, there will always be some buggers like that.

But you know what; you shouldn’t change yourself for these people. You do what you want to do. It’s okay to stand up for what you believe in. Without caring about what ‘others’ think of it. Cz you know what, ‘others’ already don’t like you.

Let me break this down for you nice and simple – When people don’t like you, what do you think happens. Correct. Nothing at all. Worst case scenario, they may get annoyed by you; which, if you think about it, only gives you more power over them. Right?

So why are you attempting to please them?

But hey, don’t you be feeling lonely already. There are people out there who care about you, and probably only you.

These are your friends, family and loyal customers. These are the people who should matter to you and you should be focusing on (Category 3). And to be honest, these people will support you in whatever you may choose to do anyway.

But keep in mind that relationships are weird. Although we know they are important, we tend to take these people for granted. It’s not just the men who like the chase, we all do. We all like to find new people to impress and once they become a part of category 3, we instantly stop caring about them as much as we should and move on to new targets (in category 1 and 2) to impress. That is the dirty truth.

For a moment, let’s assume that you actually forget about categories that don’t matter (1 and 2) and put all your effort into category 3, towards people who love you and care about you. These are the people you have made memories with. These are the people who stood by you when you fought against something you felt was wrong. These are your cheer leaders, your mentors, your teachers, your loved ones.

How would that feel?

What’s the point of this post, you ask? Well, it’s simple –

If you take your mind off of all the unimportant bullshit, you can have 100% of your heart and mind available to focus on people that are important to you. How liberating is that? Can you feel it?

The crux of this is – Get rid of unimportant horse shit from your life, and focus on what actually matters (to YOU).

Stop doing things to please people who probably have killed you three times in their dreams.

Stop living a life that boo-sayers say you should.

Explore a whole new world– one where anything you choose to do is fine as long as it isn’t seriously hurting you or anyone else.

Act on your dreams. NOW. There is no tomorrow. You have just one life and the time is limited. Don’t waste it doing things that don’t matter for people who don’t matter.

Know that whatever your heart desires you can achieve. The obstacle is inimportant (yes, that’s a word).

I can’t emphasize enough: The only person stopping you from being the best is YOU.

P.S. This sounds very cliched, and probably is a horrible way to end this post, but it is truer than true.

2013 resolution – Smile and be happy. That’s it.

After much thought and anticipation, I have come up with my final resolution list for 2013. Yes, about time.

I declare 2013 as the year of happiness! This year, I pledge to do anything and everything to make me a happy girl (Cz happy girls are the prettiest *Batting Eyelashes*).

Here is the first ever manifesto I made. I call it the happiness manifesto. If you too relate to this, feel free to print/download/link-back to it 🙂

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What are your resolutions for 2013? Care to share?

Have a wonderful, joyous and magnificent year ahead! XOXO

Forgiveness is a funny thing – It warms the heart and cools the sting!

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They say forgive those who hurt you to free yourself from the pain. Of course, it’s easier said than done. How can you forgive someone who broke your heart? How can you forgive him who betrayed you? How can you forgive a cheater? A liar? And why should you? The son of a bitch deserves your anger, hatred and despise. He deserves to be punched in the throat. Sooo hard, that his teeth fall off his mouth like raindrops. And he should feel the same pain he once caused you.

Yes, you wish. But when you are angry with someone, what’s really happening is this–

Right now when you are bursting with anger and rage, the moron who caused you heartache is probably sitting on a rainbow eating skillets or may be got hit by a truck last week; who knows. The truth of the matter is that you guys don’t talk to each other anymore. And if you do, it’s not the same. The conversations are fake, uncomfortable and just plain awkward as both of you try so hard to prove to each other that ‘you’re cool’.

So what should you really do?

  • Suck it up. Really. If you are angry or hurt, just accept it. Who are you lying to anyway? Tell yourself how you really feel.
  • Let it out. Cry like a school girl, scream, punch the wall, club a baby seal, listen to eye of the tiger on repeat, lock yourself up in the bathroom, drink the whole bottle of jack, throw up, and cry-n-scream some more. Do whatever it takes to get the anger out of your system. Just do it.
  • Now that we are clear that you are hurt and angry, and want to kick this jerk in the nuts, next step is to know that you have no control over anyone else’s actions. Everyone acts per his or her level of intellect.
  • No one needs no pity party. Stop telling ‘the story’ over and over again. Puhleez!
  • Make a list – of all the good things that followed because of this awful incidence. You have suffered enough, now its time for reality check. Turn your perspective around and look at the situation from a totally new angle (third-person-view). From this place you will be able to see all the good and some great things about this situation. Write them down. All of them.
  • Time travel – think about that horrible situation you faced five years ago; and how helpless you felt then. How it took you weeks/months to get back to normal after that incidence. Now think about how you feel about that problem today. You will realize that today you don’t really feel anything about the situation that once shook your life. That’s exactly how you will feel about your current situation five years from now. In the bigger picture, it won’t even matter. All that will remain is the lesson you learned from it!
  • Untie yourself. At this very moment, what is the connection between you and the person who hurt you? The grudge you are holding against this person. This tie is not letting you move on. You are stuck, in the past; in an ugly situation.
  • Forgive yourself first. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. When we are hurt, we all make mistakes. You might have had too. You deserved a chance to do something foolish and not be judged; at least not by yourself. You are still awesome. And when the clouds part, you will so more awesome things in life. It’s just a matter of time.
  • Every time you catch yourself thinking about ‘the fiasco’, wish that jerk well (don’t call, just do it in your head!). Seriously. I know you’re no Gandhi, but by now your brain have been poisoned by anger and other negative emotions. It needs to be cleansed by calm and positive thoughts. The first twenty (or maybe 200) times this will feel insane, but don’t quit just yet; 201st time the wish will be heart felt. And this is when you will be at peace.
  • Always remember – by forgiving the fucktard, you are doing yourself a huge favor.

“Forgiving is not something you do for someone else. It is something you do for yourself. An unforgiven injury binds you to a time and place someone else has chosen; it holds you trapped in a past moment and in old feelings”– Carol Luebering

P.S. This may need a lot of practice, but it’s absolutely worth a try!!

Don’t convert an introvert, please

This world is made up of two kinds of people – introverts and extroverts. Extroverts are these fun people who are good at talking and being around other people; introverts on the other hand are shy and anti-social.

Absolutely wrong!

Those of you who know me personally and have spent time with me, would most probably classify me as an extreme extrovert. But ladies and gentlemen, although I love people and i talk a lot, I am an introvert, an extreme introvert. Allow me to explain…

Extroverts are primarily interested in the physical and social setup around them. They are most energized when they are surrounded by people and are interacting with them. Extroverts love small talk, they can just walk up to a stranger and strike a conversation and keep it going; without really an agenda or topic of interest.

Contrary to what most people think, introverts are not necessarily shy or mousey. In fact, introversion is not at all shyness. An introvert is just a person who is energized by being alone; thinking, learning, exploring their thoughts and feelings. Some introverts have exceptional people skills, and they can also be the life of the party if they deem necessary. But after being with people for any length of time, they need time alone, to recharge. Alone time for them is like loading up on energy, which is spent when among crowds.

Biologically, introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as solving problems, introspection, and complex thinking. Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them. [Need reference]

What I don’t understand is why this world looks at introverts like there is something wrong with them. Why does our education system, our work culture and even friends and families don’t approve of introversion? Some common misconceptions about introverts are:

1. Introverts are anti-social –

Introverts don’t hate people neither are they sad or depressed; they just know that people take up a lot of energy, and it can be taxing for them sometimes. It’s just a matter of preference.

2. Introverts don’t like to mingle –

They do; just not all the time. If you want to connect with an introvert, well for lack of better words, just cut the crap and come to the point. On the other hand, if you have a brain stimulating discussion, an emotional conversation or a problem that needs to be resolved, bring it on. Introverts LOVE meaningful conversations.

3. Introverts don’t add value to the society –

Introverts have a lot of very important traits. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, to connect the dots, to observe things, to listen extremely well, to be creative and imaginative as well.

4. Introverts suck at relationships –

Wrong. In fact, they develop strong, meaningful relationships. Unlike Extroverts, who have hundreds of friends, but can still get lonely; introverts are perfectly happy being by themselves, in fact they enjoy it. Because of the thoughtfulness, love and passion, introverts make great friends and spouses.

5. Introverts don’t accomplish much in life –

That’s total bullshit. Mahatma Gandhi was an introvert, and a great leader. Bill Gates, Steve jobs, Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Larry Page, Warren Buffet are all introverts. Introverts can be great speakers, leaders and have the capability to change the world, just like extroverts.

Practically, no one is a 100% introvert or extrovert; they are only more introverts with slight extraversion or more extroverts with slight introversion. We all have both the traits; it just depends, which one do we have more of.

The world would be so much better if people just respect extroverts and introverts the same and not try to change anyone’s natural personalities.

Let it all out!

Grief – In simpler terms hurting. We all have experienced this at some point in life. I am talking about grieving caused by a major life change or loss. It doesn’t have to be just death of a loved one. It could be end of a relationship, a loved one moving away, loss of a valued possession, divorce or anything along the same lines. Grieving is a normal reaction to a loss and can be hard, stressful and tiring. 

Everyone deals with grieving differently and there are no set rules as to how much time it will take for you to heal. But healing is a natural successor to grieving. We might not realize this while grieving, but that’s just how the nature has designed a human mind. We go through horrible things in life – deaths, break-ups, loss, cheating, heart-breaks and much more. But we all have the strength to get through it and ultimately heal; although the time everyone takes might be significantly different.

What’s the cause? Love and attachment. When love turns into possessiveness grieving becomes even more difficult to get through. Over the period of time, I think I have been able to learn my grieving pattern. Some of you might relate to this.

  • Denial – I just don’t believe it. For a long time, I tell myself that everything is still okay and nothing has changed. It’s like a numbed disbelief, I don’t feel anything but vacuum – no emotions, no feelings, no sorrow. This is my way of giving myself a protected zone where, things are still okay and I repeatedly tell myself “I am fine”.
  • Pain – As the shock wears off, the shield of denial can’t protect me anymore. Cz the logic screams that it’s real and I have lost something/someone. This is when the suffering starts; and I feel the unbelievable pain. One thing I have learned is that to feel this pain fully and completely is very important. Earlier I used to try and fight it, or kill it with pills. But it’s important to let it all out through tears and discomfort. This is a part of healing! It’s scary, cry out loud, scream and let it all out of your system at this point. Else remember that it will surface in your life at a later point.
  • Anger – As the tears wash away the pain, another feeling kicks in. Anger. “Why did this happen to me?”, “who is responsible?”.  Be extra careful during this time. You don’t want to yell at someone and be unreasonable to actually cause permanent damage to a relationship. Let it out in other ways – I like to go out for a walk or just sleep on it till I can. I also isolate myself from the rest of the world. And this might not be the best way to deal with this feeling, but it works for me. Distraction is the keyword here.
  • Depression – People around you see that you have now started to calm down and they often confuse this with beginning of the healing process. But my friend, you are still far away from that. This is the stage of extreme sadness and loneliness. This is when you realize the magnitude of your loss, and you may exaggerate it too sometimes. This is when you reminisce memories of the beloved person/object/relationship and realize that you don’t have that anymore  (and probably will never get it back). Dear friends, please don’t try to talk me out of this. Let me just go through the realization, the certainty of my loss.
  • Reconstruction – As you realize that whatever happened can not be reversed, and you just have to suck it up and live with it. You start becoming more functional. You start to think more logically. You start getting back to your normal routine and however hard it may be, you do it cz you know that what has happened has happened and can’t be reversed.
  • Acceptance – This is when you come to terms with the reality of your situation. You might not be happy yet. But you develop hope “things will be alright”, “I can live with this”. You might be a totally different person now; not the happy carefree you anymore. But you ponder over the lessons learned, rather than the situation. This doesn’t mean that you are ready to take on the world just yet, but you do start hoping that one day you will. And this is when the healing begins…

Someone else might have some other stages or sequence of events. Also, the time taken to get through the loss also varies – depending on your wisdom and the magnitude of your loss. But at the end of the day, just know that everything will be alright. You will heal and you will move on with your life. The joy will eventually follow.

You are the only one who is holding yourself back. Remember, if you don’t give it time now, it will pop back up later. So… Jump into the grieving process fearlessly to deal with the situation for good. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable and to let your emotions out. Just do it! Know that everything happens for a reason.

May we all be healed of  all the losses!