Everyone’s vulnerable

vul

Human beings are vulnerable. Very vulnerable. That’s how we are supposed to be.

But lately, we have started to associate vulnerability with weakness. We hide our emotions, our thoughts, our tears, our laughter because we don’t want people to mistake us for being weak.

Putting yourself out there involves a lot of risk; risk of being misunderstood, of being judged, of being rejected. But if we don’t, we kill authenticity. We become fake strong people. Emotionless. Un-hurtable.

But that’s not who we are. We are people. We have emotions. We get hurt. We feel jealous. We cry. We laugh. We try. And sometimes fail.

We cannot love without being vulnerable. Without opening up our hearts to people. Without letting people we love, let into our lives. Without letting them see our dark side. Without seeing their dark sides.

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean that you are weak. It just means that you are honest. That you are genuine. That you are human.

In fact, being vulnerable means that you are strong. Strong enough to open yourself up to the chance of getting hurt. You take risks. You are real.

Why you should not give two fucks about people who don’t matter

people

I would divide this world population in three categories –

  1. People who are totally unaware of your existence
  2. People who don’t like you, and
  3. People who do like you.

People in category 1 don’t even know you exist and don’t really care about what you do and what happens to you.

Category 2 consists of people who don’t really like you. And there is really nothing you can do to make them like you. They just won’t. The more you try to charm them, the more you will piss them off. And guess what, there will always be some buggers like that.

But you know what; you shouldn’t change yourself for these people. You do what you want to do. It’s okay to stand up for what you believe in. Without caring about what ‘others’ think of it. Cz you know what, ‘others’ already don’t like you.

Let me break this down for you nice and simple – When people don’t like you, what do you think happens. Correct. Nothing at all. Worst case scenario, they may get annoyed by you; which, if you think about it, only gives you more power over them. Right?

So why are you attempting to please them?

But hey, don’t you be feeling lonely already. There are people out there who care about you, and probably only you.

These are your friends, family and loyal customers. These are the people who should matter to you and you should be focusing on (Category 3). And to be honest, these people will support you in whatever you may choose to do anyway.

But keep in mind that relationships are weird. Although we know they are important, we tend to take these people for granted. It’s not just the men who like the chase, we all do. We all like to find new people to impress and once they become a part of category 3, we instantly stop caring about them as much as we should and move on to new targets (in category 1 and 2) to impress. That is the dirty truth.

For a moment, let’s assume that you actually forget about categories that don’t matter (1 and 2) and put all your effort into category 3, towards people who love you and care about you. These are the people you have made memories with. These are the people who stood by you when you fought against something you felt was wrong. These are your cheer leaders, your mentors, your teachers, your loved ones.

How would that feel?

What’s the point of this post, you ask? Well, it’s simple –

If you take your mind off of all the unimportant bullshit, you can have 100% of your heart and mind available to focus on people that are important to you. How liberating is that? Can you feel it?

The crux of this is – Get rid of unimportant horse shit from your life, and focus on what actually matters (to YOU).

Stop doing things to please people who probably have killed you three times in their dreams.

Stop living a life that boo-sayers say you should.

Explore a whole new world– one where anything you choose to do is fine as long as it isn’t seriously hurting you or anyone else.

Act on your dreams. NOW. There is no tomorrow. You have just one life and the time is limited. Don’t waste it doing things that don’t matter for people who don’t matter.

Know that whatever your heart desires you can achieve. The obstacle is inimportant (yes, that’s a word).

I can’t emphasize enough: The only person stopping you from being the best is YOU.

P.S. This sounds very cliched, and probably is a horrible way to end this post, but it is truer than true.

Forgiveness is a funny thing – It warms the heart and cools the sting!

broken-heart-broken-hearts-6853604

They say forgive those who hurt you to free yourself from the pain. Of course, it’s easier said than done. How can you forgive someone who broke your heart? How can you forgive him who betrayed you? How can you forgive a cheater? A liar? And why should you? The son of a bitch deserves your anger, hatred and despise. He deserves to be punched in the throat. Sooo hard, that his teeth fall off his mouth like raindrops. And he should feel the same pain he once caused you.

Yes, you wish. But when you are angry with someone, what’s really happening is this–

Right now when you are bursting with anger and rage, the moron who caused you heartache is probably sitting on a rainbow eating skillets or may be got hit by a truck last week; who knows. The truth of the matter is that you guys don’t talk to each other anymore. And if you do, it’s not the same. The conversations are fake, uncomfortable and just plain awkward as both of you try so hard to prove to each other that ‘you’re cool’.

So what should you really do?

  • Suck it up. Really. If you are angry or hurt, just accept it. Who are you lying to anyway? Tell yourself how you really feel.
  • Let it out. Cry like a school girl, scream, punch the wall, club a baby seal, listen to eye of the tiger on repeat, lock yourself up in the bathroom, drink the whole bottle of jack, throw up, and cry-n-scream some more. Do whatever it takes to get the anger out of your system. Just do it.
  • Now that we are clear that you are hurt and angry, and want to kick this jerk in the nuts, next step is to know that you have no control over anyone else’s actions. Everyone acts per his or her level of intellect.
  • No one needs no pity party. Stop telling ‘the story’ over and over again. Puhleez!
  • Make a list – of all the good things that followed because of this awful incidence. You have suffered enough, now its time for reality check. Turn your perspective around and look at the situation from a totally new angle (third-person-view). From this place you will be able to see all the good and some great things about this situation. Write them down. All of them.
  • Time travel – think about that horrible situation you faced five years ago; and how helpless you felt then. How it took you weeks/months to get back to normal after that incidence. Now think about how you feel about that problem today. You will realize that today you don’t really feel anything about the situation that once shook your life. That’s exactly how you will feel about your current situation five years from now. In the bigger picture, it won’t even matter. All that will remain is the lesson you learned from it!
  • Untie yourself. At this very moment, what is the connection between you and the person who hurt you? The grudge you are holding against this person. This tie is not letting you move on. You are stuck, in the past; in an ugly situation.
  • Forgive yourself first. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. When we are hurt, we all make mistakes. You might have had too. You deserved a chance to do something foolish and not be judged; at least not by yourself. You are still awesome. And when the clouds part, you will so more awesome things in life. It’s just a matter of time.
  • Every time you catch yourself thinking about ‘the fiasco’, wish that jerk well (don’t call, just do it in your head!). Seriously. I know you’re no Gandhi, but by now your brain have been poisoned by anger and other negative emotions. It needs to be cleansed by calm and positive thoughts. The first twenty (or maybe 200) times this will feel insane, but don’t quit just yet; 201st time the wish will be heart felt. And this is when you will be at peace.
  • Always remember – by forgiving the fucktard, you are doing yourself a huge favor.

“Forgiving is not something you do for someone else. It is something you do for yourself. An unforgiven injury binds you to a time and place someone else has chosen; it holds you trapped in a past moment and in old feelings”– Carol Luebering

P.S. This may need a lot of practice, but it’s absolutely worth a try!!

Shawty, you’re blessed!

Being 5’2, I have been subjected to all kinds of short-girl jokes and comments – some funny, others not so much. But at the end of the day, I think there are serious advantages of being short. Here are all the reasonable ones I could find:

  1. You’ll be a hot mamma – You will look younger than your peers and will be complimented for the rest of your life. Petites in general have better bodies. I still get ID-ed at the bars, and it’s such a joy I tell you.
  2. Airplane travel is never a pain – All airline seats have business class leg room for you. Never have to cram into the seat; cz there’s always enough space.
  3. You can stand up in airplanes without hitting your head.
  4. The bed is always bigger than it actually is.
  5. Your skin products will last longer (waddup long lasting bottle of expensive body lotion!)
  6. You can walk through small doors without hitting your head to the roof.
  7. At shows and concerts, people are more likely to let you get in front of them. All you have to do is – Ask.
  8. No dress is ever too short – You have the Fashion freedom like none other! You can put on the skimpiest outfit and it will still not be too-short or vulgar. Ever!
  9. You can wear the highest pair of heels and your guy will not have a problem with it; he’ll still be the taller one in the couple. Guys like that.
  10. People will always remember you cz you are so short.
  11. You will be forever cute!
  12. People don’t have complex issues with short people in general, cz they are never viewed as dominating or over powering. People like the fact that they don’t feel threatened in your company.
  13. You won’t have a problem finding a guy who’s taller than you.
  14. When it rains, we’re last to get wet.
  15. You will always have an excuse to get someone else to change light bulbs or get you stuff from the higher cabinets.
  16. Shorter people live longer – according to the World Health Organization study in 1992 – bigger bodies have more cells, and fewer potential cell doublings to replace defective or dead cells (so says the research).
  17. You can experience and react to the world faster than tall people (because of temporal binding).

Oh, and don’t forget your awesome companions in the journey of ‘shorties taking over the world’ – Salma Hayek, Kim Kardashian, Demi Lavato, Sarah Jessica Parker, Eva Longoria, Nicki Minaj (and of course Sowm!)…

So ladies, chin up and let’s get the party started!

Dear teacher, may I have my dream back?

“Learning is not done to you. Learning is something you choose to do.” ~ Seth Godin

Education makes an individual a better human being. I think it should be mandatory for everyone to go to grade school at the least. Besides the basic know how of the world, school also inculcate in us various invaluable traits; like discipline, team work, curiosity, analytical skills and many more. Being surrounded by teachers and fellow students makes us inquisitive about life and instill a desire to learn and grow. The experience is supposed to create the foundation of our life and make us who we become later in life. Schools are great.

Having said that let me clarify that what I want to talk about in this post is not how awesome schools are, but how ridiculous our education system is! Instead of doing what schools are supposed to, this is what’s happening – Schools are preparing students to be a future employee at an organization. In the process, they are helping build the students some important characteristics that their future employers would want them to have – obedience to rules, not questioning the authority, following instructions, following a defined pace, being easily trainable and such. So technically at the end of each school year, the result is not smart passionate young adults, it’s more like a batch of trainable zombies.

In the process of learning the employer-desired traits, what do we lose? The traits society needs to grow and become stronger, intellectually and culturally. Traits like awareness, commitment, honestly, independence, innovation, creativity, originality and many more on the same lines.

Schools are not doing a very good job of developing students’ minds. The exam patterns are based on the lower learned minds. The study material is the same for every student in the class. Money is wasted teaching geometry to students who will either quit school (because they were never taught commitment) or end up become a philosophy major (because that’s what they like to do). There is no way to customize curriculum per student’s interest and taking into consideration what he/she wants to do in future. Dreams are destroyed in the process of mass-production of future factory employees.   

Everyone in school is taught to play safe; because taking risks is scary. If 100% of us had followed that rule, innovation would have been long dead. Google, Apple, Facebook, Enterprise etc would have never been created. If every one of us had taken the ‘safe’ path of graduating college and taking up a nine to five job, there would be no start-ups, no self employment and we would all have given our future in the hands of our employers. 

I am not saying, don’t send your child to school. You definitely should. All I am trying to say is – that yes, in the long run we need a revolution to change the education system, but right now we can try to help the kids to analyze the options, tell them the truth and give them a chance to chase their passion. Take just one moment to think – what are you teaching your kid? To be a superstar trainable machine or… a passionate dreamer. The future is in your hands!

Further reading: Stop Stealing Dreams by Seth Godin