Forgiveness is a funny thing – It warms the heart and cools the sting!

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They say forgive those who hurt you to free yourself from the pain. Of course, it’s easier said than done. How can you forgive someone who broke your heart? How can you forgive him who betrayed you? How can you forgive a cheater? A liar? And why should you? The son of a bitch deserves your anger, hatred and despise. He deserves to be punched in the throat. Sooo hard, that his teeth fall off his mouth like raindrops. And he should feel the same pain he once caused you.

Yes, you wish. But when you are angry with someone, what’s really happening is this–

Right now when you are bursting with anger and rage, the moron who caused you heartache is probably sitting on a rainbow eating skillets or may be got hit by a truck last week; who knows. The truth of the matter is that you guys don’t talk to each other anymore. And if you do, it’s not the same. The conversations are fake, uncomfortable and just plain awkward as both of you try so hard to prove to each other that ‘you’re cool’.

So what should you really do?

  • Suck it up. Really. If you are angry or hurt, just accept it. Who are you lying to anyway? Tell yourself how you really feel.
  • Let it out. Cry like a school girl, scream, punch the wall, club a baby seal, listen to eye of the tiger on repeat, lock yourself up in the bathroom, drink the whole bottle of jack, throw up, and cry-n-scream some more. Do whatever it takes to get the anger out of your system. Just do it.
  • Now that we are clear that you are hurt and angry, and want to kick this jerk in the nuts, next step is to know that you have no control over anyone else’s actions. Everyone acts per his or her level of intellect.
  • No one needs no pity party. Stop telling ‘the story’ over and over again. Puhleez!
  • Make a list – of all the good things that followed because of this awful incidence. You have suffered enough, now its time for reality check. Turn your perspective around and look at the situation from a totally new angle (third-person-view). From this place you will be able to see all the good and some great things about this situation. Write them down. All of them.
  • Time travel – think about that horrible situation you faced five years ago; and how helpless you felt then. How it took you weeks/months to get back to normal after that incidence. Now think about how you feel about that problem today. You will realize that today you don’t really feel anything about the situation that once shook your life. That’s exactly how you will feel about your current situation five years from now. In the bigger picture, it won’t even matter. All that will remain is the lesson you learned from it!
  • Untie yourself. At this very moment, what is the connection between you and the person who hurt you? The grudge you are holding against this person. This tie is not letting you move on. You are stuck, in the past; in an ugly situation.
  • Forgive yourself first. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. When we are hurt, we all make mistakes. You might have had too. You deserved a chance to do something foolish and not be judged; at least not by yourself. You are still awesome. And when the clouds part, you will so more awesome things in life. It’s just a matter of time.
  • Every time you catch yourself thinking about ‘the fiasco’, wish that jerk well (don’t call, just do it in your head!). Seriously. I know you’re no Gandhi, but by now your brain have been poisoned by anger and other negative emotions. It needs to be cleansed by calm and positive thoughts. The first twenty (or maybe 200) times this will feel insane, but don’t quit just yet; 201st time the wish will be heart felt. And this is when you will be at peace.
  • Always remember – by forgiving the fucktard, you are doing yourself a huge favor.

“Forgiving is not something you do for someone else. It is something you do for yourself. An unforgiven injury binds you to a time and place someone else has chosen; it holds you trapped in a past moment and in old feelings”– Carol Luebering

P.S. This may need a lot of practice, but it’s absolutely worth a try!!

4 thoughts on “Forgiveness is a funny thing – It warms the heart and cools the sting!

  1. Surprised that this awesome post has not got a comment. Never mind, i do the honours. 🙂

    First of all, the post is super awesome and extremely factual, but its entirely in theory. There are only 2 kinds of people – One who will hold back stuff and grudges ( like i was in the past / It is really a comfortable feel to hold back grudges as you can use it as a weapon against them) or the ones who forgive and forget. I don’t think there is a line between both, and it is normally an external event or self realization that brings an individual to the other side of the bridge. Not that the first is wrong, it is only normal. After all, we are only human. 🙂

    P.S : And thanks for the awesome quote. I am storing this for future reference in my Evernote account. 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting Chris!
      I think it’s quite a practical approach for someone who’s ready to move on. We still have to go through all the stages of grief (https://sowmyatta.com/2012/03/24/let-it-all-out/) and deal with them one by one. Then when we are ready to let go and move on with our life, we can follow this approach. I say that because of experience…
      If you are still angry with the other party, you haven’t given yourself enough time to heal, IMO.

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