1. Obscenely obese woman or man (here only size matters!)
I am little and thus I am used to being comfortable in the planes. Why do I not feel the same today? OMG cz this person sitting next to me is so fat that his/her fat is spilling into my seat. I am suffocating! And looks like he/she is too, cz I hear this heavy breathing. Is he/she going to get a heart attack? I don’t know CPR, can I sit on a different seat?
2. Stinky Poo
Believe it or not, there are still some people in the world who are unaware of some wonderful discoveries by man – deodorants and gums/mints. Just pray one of those ignorant souls doesn’t sit next to you. If you want to take my advice, always carry a deodorant and a pack of gum with you. You never know when you need to offer that to someone!
3. People who travel with pets
Yes! They are annoying. Cz they have a plan! The pet would get irritated sitting in the carry bag. Then it would make weird noises. Then the owner will make a puppy face and request you to let the pet out else it’ll die. Then you will have to say ‘Alright’, cz you are a good human being. And then the pet will keep jumping around and will not let you sleep. So Beware!
They CRY. And they YELL. And they are jumpy. Solution? Just gag yourself. I know you will feel like killing the baby, but then, you will die anyways, cz people will think you are a monster and throw stones at you and it will hurt so bad, that you will kill yourself. So just kill yourself right away to avoid the torture.
5. Overly friendly people
No, I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to listen to why you don’t want your parents arrange your marriage. I don’t want to know what you think about the airlines catering. I don’t want to give you my phone number. I just want to put my headphones on and watch this movie, so that I don’t have to listen to your crap. Buzz off!