Are you not who they want you to be?

Every little gesture takes a lot of thought, effort. A handshake, a kiss, a hug, a stare, a smile, a status message, an e-mail, answering the phone, leaving a voicemail…

Handshakes. They have a certain norm. You have to stand, look into the person’s eyes, smile, squeeze just enough, time well and end at the right time.

So is an e-mail. Should start with a pleasent greeting, but not too cheesy. Has to be just long enough to have all the information, but still can’t get too long. Should never be in ALL CAPS. Should end just the right way, with a nice sign off.

And so on…

My question is… who defines these norms? Who decided how should I be shaking hands with people, how should I be writing my e-mails, how should I be doing what I am doing right now?
And why do I have to follow them?

Everyne tells you to be who you are, but the truth is you have to be what they want you to be. If you don’t act the way they do, they won’t like you. Don’t beleive me? Answer the following questions for yourself –

– Are you not who your boss wants you to be?

– Are you not who your wife/husband wants you to be?

– Are you not who your mamma wants you to be?

– Are you not who the people in the party want you to be?

Have the answers?

9 thoughts on “Are you not who they want you to be?

  1. Rubbish! Rubbish! Why care and waste time on such thoughts. Some people are who they are because they are not strong enough to be themselves they rely on “clicks”. They have these private selfish groups that are only strong in #’s that can barely see past their own ego to find any good in someone else. Take them away from their pack and watch them cringe. You'll find them to be submissive the perfect person who you want them to be putting back with the others and true colors shine. It ends up be a question for the person that falls prey to it. Do they deal with the multiple personalities or do they call them out on it as they walk out the door. Who needs this crap?!

  2. What they want you to be? I don't think even the person you are talking to knows that 🙂 If you mean whether they like you or not… maybe… though I would bet you would be surprised who and why people may like or dislike you. Just my opinion though 🙂

  3. @Jonathan: Thanks for adding that… Answer to your question – you can tell by the vibe you get from the other person..

    @Raj: Hullow hullow 🙂 security lol i just love to see the comments waiting in the moderation box for approval 🙂 P.S. I love your blog. You need to start writing again or I will start whining 😛

    @Bhavs: Yes baby, thats how life rolls 🙂

  4. 'Are you not what people in the party want you to be?'
    -I totally AM. And it's very frustrating all the same…the fact that we feel so obligated to abide by these norms. It's very very frustrating…but what can one d about it?

    That's another thought provoking post by you. 🙂 By the way, I've changed my blog url to

    Do visit!

  5. Hey, great topic! Here's my two cents worth..

    Customary greetings and salutations:
    Hug, handshake, or high-five, who knows where they evolved from (not that that isn't interesting in itself). I guess in a sense we all decide what they mean. I mean they aren't static, society spits them out and they are ever changing 🙂

    In answer to the questions:

    I think that may be putting the cart before the horse. If you choose to be a certain way for your boss, wife/husband, mother, nameless party-goers, THAT is what makes you who you are. It is your motivation, your perceptions, your morality, and your decision to do so or not. And there is no absolute.

    I would also pose the question… How do you know what they want you to be?

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